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To Hannah….

Today is my wife Hannah’s birthday.

She is the unsung hero of the last two years of my life. We met in Sydney at a conference 3 1/2 years ago, and married 18 months later. Eleven months into our marriage came the event that changed both of our lives forever, mine perhaps more permanently.

I was diagnosed with cancer.

I sometimes wonder what is harder, being married to someone who has cancer, or being the person who has it. Often I think Hannah has the harder job. She gets to see me when I’m utterly miserable from nausea, when I’m unable to string coherent sentences together because of the effects of chemo on my brain. She gets to see me bounce from well to unwell with each round. She sees me lie around the house with no energy or motivation to be a constructive house husband.

Yet she still loves me…

I can only imagine what must go through her mind when she thinks of a future that might not have me in it. My future will always have her in it, but if I leave this earth before her, she is the one that has to live with my death, not me.

And that breaks my heart.

In fact that is the single hardest thing that I have had to come to terms with throughout this whole cancer process. The fact that I may be the cause of such anguish to Hannah, and not be able to be the solution to it. My husband instinct means I want to be there for her, not matter what. But sometimes, life’s cruel blows mean that at some point, she might have to go it alone….

without me….

… and that rips me apart….

And it is the hardest thing I have had to give up to God.

Hannah has been all the cliche’s you can think of, the wind beneath my wings, the person who makes me better, the person who completes me… the list goes on. Cliche’s only faintly touch on what words cannot even express what she means to me, and how supportive she has been to me over the last 14 months of life.

So today I want to honour Hannah. I want to acknowledge the fact that cancer is not a diagnosis that only affects the individual with the disease, it affects the family unit as well. People often comment to me about how I have dealt with this adversary, but the truth be told, Hannah’s strength is 80% of the source of my courage. She is the one to be honoured today. She is the one who needs to be remembered in your prayers as much me. I might be the one with cancer, but it is US together that battles it.

Hannah, you are the most awesome wife in the world…. all you other husbands should be jealous :-).

Love Jared.

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  1. Luke Malcolm
    January 12, 2010 at 4:26 pm

    Whoop whoop! Great words Jared. Hannah, you’re a giant.

  2. rhys
    January 12, 2010 at 4:44 pm

    what a legend, happy birthday hannah 🙂

  3. junjoni
    January 12, 2010 at 4:53 pm

    ^_^ Your story be told… Hannah’s the star!

  4. Mila Resueno
    January 12, 2010 at 5:04 pm

    Jared, when I open your blog it was timely I was also listening with my music -the song” “My Memory” – reading your blog honoring Hannah..made me cry. I am with you Jared..we honor Hannah..she is brave.

  5. Joi Murugavell
    January 12, 2010 at 5:16 pm

    Happy Birthday Hannah!

  6. Chris Young
    January 12, 2010 at 5:30 pm

    Happy Birthday Hannah!

    Awesome post Jared – if only more husbands honoured and esteemed their wives like you do. I hope I do.

    Keep Living Strong and holding onto the hope that you have and each other!

  7. Nigel Cottle
    January 13, 2010 at 10:21 am

    Like we said at the wedding bro, we dont know how you managed to find a bride as brilliant as Hannah. But you did, and she is a blessing to us all.

  8. January 13, 2010 at 1:58 pm

    Hannah, You’re amazing, Happy Birthday.

  9. Margot Koele
    January 13, 2010 at 2:25 pm

    Happy Birthday Hannah! God’s blessings on you both!

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