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Chemo 7.0

Another round of chemo comes and goes.

… and with it goes the resounding slap of reality into my face, followed by the ritualistic pretending that everything is okay between rounds.

This round was much of a muchness. Chemo begins to blur after a time, and as much as all usual culprits of nausea and tiredness play their routine roll, perhaps the biggest challenge is the emotional aspect of it all.

I’m sick of being hit with a bomb every two weeks.

I’m sick of having my pseudonormal life come crashing back to the ground, only to remind me of my mere mortality, and that in this life…. I will never have the life I wanted. Over time, the endless mocking that cancer does to the soul begins to take its toll. The physical side effects, whilst very much apparent, begin to fade in comparison to the mental battle that dealing with cancer requires.

So, I soldier on, and head into round 8 in ten days time. Unfortunately, my ‘half time’ update in the last update was a little incorrect. It turns out that I’m half way through my clinical trial (of 12 rounds).. but chemo for me is an endless journey of ups and downs. My chemotherapy will keep going until the cancer either stops responding, or the toxicity is too much for my body to handle. Either outcome is about as cherry as a slap in the face.

However, the moment I’m tempted to feel sorry for myself, I am quickly reminded how sweet I have it. I only have to look at the patients I see every day in the hospital to realise that yes, cancer sucks, but life could potentially suck so much more, and as cruel as a blow that it seems to me, many more people in this country are dealt with much worse.

May we all temper our reality against the reality of others, and realise how good our lives really are.

Till, next round…..

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Categories: Cancer Update Tags: ,
  1. julie Turner
    March 24, 2010 at 7:56 am

    Keep fighting Jared – love to you and Hannah.xx

  2. Janna Fraser
    March 24, 2010 at 9:12 pm

    Well said dude, SO TRUE yet most of us forget this every day, including me. You inspire me how positive you are. Life sucks sometimes, shit happens and it all just seems so much easier to crawl under a rock or run away. Unfortunately that doesn’t solve anything. I need to remind myself just how lucky I am. Sending positive thoughts your way!!

  3. Debbie
    March 25, 2010 at 8:17 am

    Hey Jared its tough going – hang in there – one moment at a time – thats all we really have – someone once said: Be IMpressed by the word of God in that moment of struggle not by the thing causing the struggle – for what its worth buddy – keep your focus!!

  4. Suzanne
    March 25, 2010 at 4:28 pm

    Hey Jared, we have mugs here that say ‘Love the moment’ on the inside at the top, so each time we’re enjoying a hot drink Jeff and I look at each other with a knowing look and nod. coffee with cream, v-mite on toast. mmm. Keep on trucking – it sounds like you’re really finding all your inner strength.

  5. Jane
    March 26, 2010 at 3:51 pm

    Cancer sucks!!! Not only are you having to fight the disease but fight the emotional downs that it brings.
    Keep smiling – you are amazing!

  6. Jared
    April 2, 2010 at 8:05 am

    Thanks for the comments and encouragement everyone. 🙂

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