Home > Blog, Cancer Update > Chemo 42.0 – Rebooted

Chemo 42.0 – Rebooted

Nausea.

It creeps in and attacks one of the most fundamental aspects of what it means to be human, it attacks the need to eat, and the need to sate hunger. Hunger is one of the most fundamental human desires, it signals we are alive, that we want to survive. It means that there is something inside of us that must strive to live and consume energy in order to do so. It manifests itself at our most fundamental level of physiology, when we convert glucose into ATP, and it manifests itself in our day-to-day, at a social level, when we sit down to a meal.

Nausea destroys all of that.

In many ways nausea destroys one of the key things that make us alive, by destroying a fundamental desire that is integral to living. For three days, I was denied this fundamental element of life.

I had really wished having had 7 months off chemo would have given my body some time to recover and improve how I tolerate it. To some degree, this has been the case, but truthfully, the experience was a harsh reminder of some the least pleasant times of my life. The experience of chemotherapy is unique to each agent used, and re-starting came with some degree of psychological trauma as I relived a previous nightmare, one I can’t wake from. With it came the slow remembrance of a previous life (albeit only 7 months ago) that was easy to forget, but painful to recall.

This round was re-initialisation into the future months, so whilst I paint the experience with melodrama, what it really did was force a reset of my world view. Seven month of chemo-free life tempted me into dreaming of an alternative reality that in the end never materialised. I now have to adjust to my new one.

My new reality in actual fact isn’t that bad, at the end of the day, I am still alive and incredibly blessed.

The pain of chemo reminds me of this.

It is ironic that even though suffering sometimes strips us of feeling alive, it’s existence in our lives is a vital reminder that we are indeed still living.

And perhaps that is the biggest blessing of all…

Till next time…

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  1. Theresa Vossen
    June 29, 2012 at 12:05 am

    Your faith is a blessing to us. Incredibly. Strength and Peace to you and Hannah.

  2. Rob Hart
    June 29, 2012 at 10:25 am

    Jared, I have been getting a lot from my daily readings recently about the need to put our focus on God. From what you have written in the past you have experienced this so i hope and pray that again your focus on God will be refreshed and renewed. I’m not saying you lost it but when things are good we can rely on it less.

    In saying this I have to admit that I have a very long way to go in this myself. I have not had the suffering you have had and you continue to amaze me. And for that I thank God.

    I continue to pray for you, especially that through this time your ministry will continue to shine God’s Love to all.

  3. Rebekah Opie
    June 29, 2012 at 11:17 pm

    Hey Jared,
    Thanks for the reminder not to take even the simplest things for granted. It’s great to see you back at work and I admire your determination to keep going with work despite how hard it must be to some days – especially after 7 nights,I so do not miss working night shifts!

  4. Dyana Parore-Connell
    June 30, 2012 at 5:48 pm

    You continue to amaze me with your strength and determination on this journey of yours. All the best and keep positive. You are an inspiration to others.

  5. Rosanne Livingstone
    July 3, 2012 at 8:24 am

    As stated above, you are an inspiration. As someone who’s just completed her first chemo treatment (and still suffering from side effects one month on), and dreading likely further treatments, it’s great to see someone getting through them with such resolve.

  6. Sophie
    July 11, 2012 at 10:39 pm

    Hey Jared,
    I’ve just started placement on the paediatric oncology ward so am seeing firsthand the effects of chemo – your attitude and beliefs continue to inspire me, thank you!
    Soph

  7. Annette Stuart
    July 17, 2012 at 7:26 pm

    HI Jared, I came and saw you at Parachute 2011, I bought your CD, I have been thinking about you and wondering if you were still here with us on earth. I am so glad to see that you are, your testimony is amazing. God bless you and your family. I lend your CD to many people. Thank you for your frank and honest testimony. We need to hear more from people like you.
    Annette

  8. August 12, 2012 at 11:48 am

    Ironic, Jared, that I was searching for my son, Jared Noel, USA) on the internet and found your blog. My husband, Richard Noel, was diagnosed with lung cancer in February 2012. He receives a once monthly cycle of Cisplatin, Avastin and Pemetrexed…..and it is a brutal combination. While praying for my beloved husband, I will also pray for you and ask that our family and friends hold you and your family up in prayer too. You’re on our minds and in our prayers. Cher Noel

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