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OHBaby! Article

After a three month publication cycle has finished, I am now free to post the article that I wrote in the OHBaby! magazine for their Autumn Issue.  What follows is the text from the article, and then a link to the PDF of the actual 5 page spread so that you can see the photos and the layout. The brief was along the idea of how to communicate family values to your children, with my particular circumstance adding a unique perspective on it.

Communicating and teaching your children your family values can be a challenge at the best of times; achieving this when you know it’s unlikely you will survive to your daughter’s first birthday seems next to impossible.

Five years ago, I was diagnosed with metastatic bowel cancer, and after surgery and chemotherapy, I relapsed and became terminal. My life trajectory seemed to be mapped out, shorter than anyone would ever hope for or expect. But, for reasons that remain a mystery to both me and the medical profession, I have continued to live, while knowing that at any moment, I am only a heartbeat away from finishing my journey in this life.

For my wife Hannah and I, the decision to have a child was complex; It was prompted by the desire to start a family and cautioned by the implications should we be successful. In the end, we knew we would never regret having a child but there was plenty of room for regret had we not even tried. It breaks my heart that bar the miraculous, I will miss most of my daughter’s childhood. I will not get to see her flourish as a person, and I will not be able to walk her down the aisle at her wedding. It is with that breaking heart that I will do my best to leave her a legacy of who I am. I may not be able to leave her with memories, but I can leave her with the values I embrace, so she can appreciate who her father is.

Dear Elise,

I cannot create a pithy saying or a three-word catch phrase to live by. Life, to me, seems far too complex to be abbreviated to such small word counts. Instead, I want to offer you a sense of identity, a sense of purpose, and an understanding of where you came from, so you can then determine where you will go. The world is your oyster, to make of it what you will. My hope is to give you the opportunity to be the best you can be.

Having said this, ultimately any principle or ideal must still be communicated in words or they remain in the realm of the ethereal, never having concrete relevance. To that end, here is an attempt to communicate to you what matters to your family – as words to live by, and hopefully words to die by.

What does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God” Micah 6:8.

As a family of faith, this verse expresses what matters most to us. Elise, we want to encourage you to live a life of mercy, justice and compassion. We want you to love others and to learn to put them first, especially those who are less fortunate than us. This is how you can make your mark on the world, by being part of the bigger picture of humanity, and this is how you can honour your loving God.

Read, learn and travel.

Read widely and never stop learning. Travel to both the developed and developing worlds. Ask questions, challenge the status quo, and discover that life in middle class New Zealand is only how the privileged 5% of the world lives. Your mum and I believe that with this privilege comes responsibility; to use our time, wealth and skills to help others. Our worldview, narrow or wide, is shaped by our upbringing and education. Reading, learning and travelling will broaden your horizons, develop an understanding of life and grow a respect for people of all faiths and ethnicities.

Pause, reflect, breathe.

Life will be busy but we should always take time to pause, to reflect, and to breathe; to look back on a journey past or ahead to a journey planned; to contemplate the complexities of politics or the simplicity of a plate of food. We hope you will learn to appreciate the small things, so you then can appreciate the larger things even more.

It’s okay to cry when you are sad, and rejoice when you are happy. Life will always be a contrasting kaleidoscope of experiences and emotions; taking time to drink them in gives perspective, wisdom, and an understanding of yourself and your place in this world.

Elise, I won’t be around to remind you to say please, thank you or sorry. Instead, I will try to leave a legacy that instils a sense of compassion and respect for others where pleasantries will naturally follow. I won’t always be able to comfort you when you’re sad, or reassure you when your confidence is low, but I hope you know that I will always be there for you, even when I am physically absent.

I hope that in knowing who your father was, you will be able to choose who you want to be…

You can see the PDF copy of the article by clicking here.

As an addendum, I am aware I haven’t posted many updates lately, but will plan some catching up in the next few weeks. Also, for those who do subscribe to the OHBaby Magazine, Hannah has written an informative piece on neonatal screening in the winter edition that went on sale today. 🙂

Until next time…

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  1. Neil
    June 22, 2014 at 6:17 pm

    Hi Guys, Good to hear from you again. Enjoy reading your postings. Still praying for you. Cheers Neil and Isobel

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