Fear of Death

As we grow up in New Zealand, nicely tucked away in one corner of the globe, we are somewhat protected from the atrocities that go on at other latitudes and longitudes. We live comfortably in our first world economy, with first world medicine keeping our selves happy and healthy. We have a 7.1 magnitude earthquake in our second largest city, but no loss of life, and damage that can be easily controlled and repaired relative to that of Haiti or Pakistan.

We are comfortable, we are wealthy, and very rarely need to entertain the notion of death in our lives.

Yet when death comes along knocking, we are very quick to cry foul, call for an injustice, and argue that death does not belong there. Having spent significant amounts of time in the developing world where death is an ever present reality, it is a stark contrast to the absence, and almost ignorant bliss of death that we live with here in NZ.

When death does confront us, there is a painful process of avoiding and ignoring that goes on, which I think is ultimately more destructive than death itself. I am in a place where death is very much a part of my life. I live with the imminent threat of death, the fact that unless God himself intervenes, death is very much a part of my not-to-distant future. This fact makes people uncomfortable. People often chide in with remarks such as ‘but you are gonna live for a long time yet’ or often out right rebukes, telling me not to talk in such a way.

Well I’m sorry if the reality I live with offends people.

I have two options available to me. Firstly I either respond with a resolute hope, ignoring the facts, and the reality of cancer I live with, and blissfully continue my life as though nothing has happened. This on the surface sounds like a great idea, but what it actually does is breed ignorance. Ignorance in the process of death, ignorance in the fact that we all die eventually, ignorance in how to actually deal with death when it comes along knocking, as it inevitably will.

The second option, the one I have chosen is to openly embrace the fact that I am dying. I recognise it as a part of life that we all have to deal with at some stage, some sooner than others. This is not some dark and sadistic embrace of death, but rather an healthy acknowledgement of the facts as they are, and an engagement of life with this in mind. It demystifies the inevitable, as well as creates a hope in the present.

It is in view of death that my reality becomes all the more real…

It is in view of death that I am able to celebrate life to a much greater degree…

It is in view of death that priorities change, and the true meaning of my life, the one God has blessed me with becomes so much more apparent…

I find meaning in life by knowing that I am dying.

Through all of this, I ask, please don’t tell me to stop talking about the fact that I am dying. If it is a reality you cannot face, please at the very least give me the permission to face it myself.

I am after all the one who is actually dying… and I have found a peace in this all that supersedes the natural, and can arguably be called the supernatural.

I don’t like the fact that I am dying, but through the grace of God, I am okay with it, and I am at peace about it…

.. and that is more valuable than anything.

Thanks for listening…