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Baby 1.0

When life deals you a bad hand, the best thing to do is to play that hand the best way you know how.

When Hannah and I got married, we had dreams. We dreamed of a life working overseas in the developing world, we dreamt of a future that involved getting old together and building a family together. Our dreams were shattered 4 1/2 years ago when I was diagnosed with cancer, and then shattered again with the first relapse.

We began to pick up the pieces each time, and assemble them into a mosaic. Formally a fractured, broken dream, slowly being re shaped into something new, something different, yet still retaining the original image. Then, one year ago, that rebuilt mosaic was shattered once again with yet another relapse, each blow some how being more definitive than the previous.

That third blow hurt, it hurt harder and it hurt longer than any other…

Yet somehow letting it be the defining moment of my life didn’t seem right. It determined my future, yes; I will die from cancer, but so what?

We all die; some of us sooner than others.

And I know I have been blessed with the life I have lived, and the time I have had since my diagnosis. When I realise that it isn’t all about me, then life is so much easier.

There is freedom in releasing yourself from yourself…. in living for others and not the glorified me.

To which came the decision to let life keep living…..

Hannah and I decided to undertake IVF last year as I didn’t want to leave Hannah at age 40 wondering what if?… and so in the realisation that life is about the journey, and not the outcome, we decided to bring another life into ours.

It hasn’t been easy, we had 3 failed embryo transfers before a successful 4th. The ups and downs of waiting to see if the blastocyst would implant was a roller-coaster of hope and disappointment. In fact, we thought the 4th was unsuccessful as well, until an unexpected text message in the middle of the day from my wife saying:

‘I can’t ring you cos i’ll just cry… I’m pregnant!’.

And with that we have rejoiced in the joy of bringing new life into the world, while at the same time bringing emergency toast to the bed before the vomiting begins. It’s ironic that new life can be so nauseating. πŸ™‚

Sometimes we have a competition to see who can vomit the most in a single day, the guy with chemo, or the lady who is with child.

Celebrate with us please, as we celebrate and cry ourselves about what the future holds. This decision isn’t without consequence, this child will probably never really know its biological father, but I plan on giving him or her a legacy that will endure.

Until next time….

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  1. July 13, 2013 at 4:27 pm

    What’s Not To Love About This Story

    I love this story
    I love this attitude
    I love these two

    And then there were three

  2. Jaime
    July 13, 2013 at 5:01 pm

    Thankyou for sharing this Jared. Beautiful πŸ™‚
    Love and prayers to you three!

  3. beejay
    July 13, 2013 at 5:54 pm

    Congratulations!!! Wonderful news.

  4. Jess
    July 13, 2013 at 6:56 pm

    You don’t know me but somehow came to follow your blog. I’m totally in awe of how gracefully you’re going through your life journey. And this news is totally exciting. And it’s a true blessing. Wish to meet you one day.

  5. Jess
    July 13, 2013 at 6:58 pm

    Oh and I’m crying with you guys. And also super happy and excited.

  6. Theresa
    July 13, 2013 at 8:07 pm

    When you write it like that. It totally makes sense! Celebrate I will-congratulations!!! Choosing to live, not focus on dying; choosing to try at life as long as we are alive..Beautiful.. Thankyou for the news after the rugged IVF; & Hannah take special care.

  7. emma
    July 13, 2013 at 8:33 pm

    Congrats from the Kiwi here is Copenhagen who is rooting for you!!

  8. July 13, 2013 at 8:47 pm

    I meet you once at a church event and have been following your story ever since. A massive congratulations to you both! I have no doubt that your son or daughter will be absolutely inspired by the courage of their parents – the courage it takes to live a full life knowing that the hardest part is yet to come. xx

  9. Hilary
    July 13, 2013 at 9:02 pm

    Congratulations what awesome news. Your baby is so lucky to have such courageous and inspirational parents as you guys. Thank you for sharing your story. Jared you inspire so many with your courage and your love of life. Thinking of you all.

    July 13, 2013 at 11:43 pm

    I am also someone who somehow came to find you I believe for a reason not yet determined. Such fantabulous news, congratulations.

  11. Christine
    July 14, 2013 at 1:24 am

    I think this blog needs a new name! No more boredom here…. πŸ™‚ Congratulations Jared and Hannah!!! Your child will inherit an amazing legacy. Lots of love.

  12. Jean Lowman
    July 14, 2013 at 10:07 am

    What wonderful news – out of all the chaos of emotions comes such positive news – congratulations to both of you.

  13. Sandie harris
    July 14, 2013 at 10:42 am

    Jared that was amazing!! You sound so happy yet at peace.. I’m so excited for you both and for Hannah … Fantastic news xxxxx

  14. Jill Dempsey
    July 14, 2013 at 10:55 am

    Congratulations to you both, that is wonderful news and may God richly bless your time together however long that may be. Your determination and courage is an inspiration to us all to live our lives for today and to be thankful for all we have. Thank you.

  15. Jess
    July 14, 2013 at 2:52 pm

    you guys are incredible. love you both

  16. Lisa Fletcher
    July 14, 2013 at 3:48 pm

    Congratulations Jared! I am so glad you both made this very brave decision and I do believe this little baby will bring more joy than heartbreak and so much fulfilment to both of your lives. Blessings to you three πŸ™‚

  17. Priscilla Bilby
    July 14, 2013 at 5:14 pm

    My mother called me to tell me your news, her and my father follow this blog and your journey. Sadly my brother and his wife attempted this same dream, but Matt died due to bowel cancer before they were able to complete the dream. So we are so rejoicing for you both, Hannah is going to be an incredible mother I know after working with her! We are all so glad to see a dream we all wanted so badly for my brother and his wife, happening for you guys!!!!! We will be looking forward to seeing this blessing from God!!!

  18. July 14, 2013 at 7:44 pm

    This is a beautiful announcement. Such courage, such love and what a hope you have.

  19. Hilary Newby
    July 14, 2013 at 8:29 pm

    Wonderful news Hannah and Jared – I am so happy for you XX

  20. Rosemary Duncan
    July 14, 2013 at 10:04 pm

    Thank you Jarad for your fierce hope and your’s and Hannah’s embrace of life with all its tenuousness. It is inspiring. We wish you both all courage, wisdom and strength.
    Alex and Rosemary Duncan

  21. sarah
    July 14, 2013 at 10:40 pm

    Congratulations – fantastic news.

  22. Jess
    July 15, 2013 at 10:29 am

    So, I am in tears…so excited for you, that you have the joy of becoming a Mummy and Daddy. You guys are an amazing, brave couple. There is a song by JJ Hellar that has blessed me so much. Its chorus says “I don’t know what You are doing, but I know who You are”……when i look at you guys this is what i think of…..in the midst of the crap of life, still loving God, still seeing the Joy, still living with Thanksgiving in your hearts.

  23. Tracey
    July 15, 2013 at 10:41 am

    Thanks for sharing your blog, your life. Your baby is so blessed to be born into such a lovely inspirational family. Your courage and faith is an encouragement to all lives you touch.
    Look forward to your future blogs and praying that Hannah will stay well throughout the pregnancy!!

  24. Brendon adn Sharee Harkness
    July 15, 2013 at 11:25 am

    Hannah and Jared….HUGE CONGRATULATIONS!!!! πŸ˜‰ We are SO STOKED for you both! Real wonderful news…..celebrating with you both big time! Much love to you both, and cyber hugs! Sharee & Brendon πŸ™‚

  25. Rob Hart
    July 15, 2013 at 11:47 am

    Congratulations to you both. Blessings for the road ahead too and may God give you sometime to enjoy your Child, Jared. Praying.

  26. Marita Fallow
    July 15, 2013 at 12:03 pm

    Congratulations Jared and Hannah. I’m really happy for you. Take care. Marita Fallow

  27. Rose
    July 15, 2013 at 9:24 pm

    Wow!!! Congratulations!!! Wonderful, wonderful news. Xx

  28. July 16, 2013 at 3:19 pm

    So so excited for you both. Congratulations and prayers for a happy, healthy pregnancy. Jared, you are the same age as my son, and by another happy coincidence, they expect a baby a month earlier than you. Much love and support, Elaine xx

  29. Amy
    July 16, 2013 at 10:36 pm

    Wow jared…..that blog just brought tears to my eyes. Congratulations. What a blessing. Maybe you and Hannah could share antiemetics. -Amy (chemo nurse)

    • Jared
      July 16, 2013 at 10:51 pm

      Hey Amy, ironically, that is exactly what we do… its now a family ondansetron supply πŸ™‚

  30. July 17, 2013 at 7:56 pm

    Awesome news Bro!
    …..Vomiting comp is on!!!! best reason to spew evaaa, love ya, J

  31. Dirk
    July 20, 2013 at 1:53 pm

    Congratulations to both of you!!! WOW what a blessing this little life is going to be!! I think this little boy/girl is going to be soooo lucky to have a mum and dad like you guys πŸ™‚

  32. Dyana Parore-Connell
    July 22, 2013 at 3:16 pm

    Congratulations to you both. Thankyou for your courageous updates. God bless

  33. sas
    July 24, 2013 at 9:47 pm

    congratulations! such great news. and yet i can imagine so difficult to think through how much you will know this child. regardless, praying that the pregnancy continues well and so stoked for you guys.

  34. Manaia
    July 26, 2013 at 6:15 pm

    Congratulations and blessings – and may you continue to live and celebrate in every moment as you enjoy this journey into parenthood, esp. filling your lives with more reasons to love and praise God in every circumstance. Thank you for sharing this.

  35. richard germann
    July 28, 2013 at 10:18 pm

    Wow, congratulations jared and hannah! You guys are so inspirational and encouraging to all of us.
    May God continue to bless you both and your unborn baby. (Matthew 5:1-10). -totally stoked for u both. Richard

  36. Maree
    August 12, 2013 at 11:31 pm

    So happy for you both πŸ™‚ – this is wonderful news! Congratulations to you and Hannah xxx

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